My Testimony

Testimony

On April 5th, 2015 I gave my life back to the man upstairs again, and i have to say it has been the BEST decision I've made in a very long time. I had been ignoring God for quite sometime, my attitude and lifestyle just wasn't where it needed to be. As some of you may know, i suffer with a disorder called Bipolar I. I've been diagnosed for 5 years and i have been through so much in those five years. Yes i will admit i have been to a mental hospital TWICE, but don't be too quick to judge... It really does HELP! I'm not your average girl, i struggle really hard with my disorder before i decided to get saved again, i was having very bad episodes. But i can tell you one thing, I serve an AWESOME GOD! My God knew just what i needed to hear when I walked into Little Star Pentecostal Hoiliness Church of Alcolu that day. God has been working in me every since and i have to say it's the most amazing feeling ever! 
I want to let anyone know that is struggling with their faith in God or don't even know God at all-- God can and will help you through any trial you are going through in your life. He knows every outcome before you do, simply because it's all apart of his plan for you even if you don't even understand at the time. You may think man things will never get better, or man he isn't listening to me--WRONG! God hears every cry for help, he knows your every thought, your every worry, and all your hurt. He loves his children more than we could ever imagine. He gave his life, just so that we could live. How amazing is that, i have to say it's truly AMAZING! He gave his life for us, so why not live for him? I ask anyone that don't know God to please know you are NEVER alone. Asking God to come work in your life and allowing him to work in you is the BEST experience you can ever have. it's the most amazing relationship ever! 

What all Christians go through at some point in their life

Search me, God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. -PSALM 139:23-24

This was a verse I stumbled across in my devotional book, and it happens to be something I struggle with. This verse reminds me of things I need to work on. But the part "See if there is any offensive way in me" gets me. I always try to hide my Bad actions, bad thoughts, and bad intentions. But he sees, and he always knows. Satan just wants to me to be dishonest with myself about myself. But like my devotional said " but self-examination and openness to God's Leading is the key to being a changed person and to a restored relationship with our father". 
Satan always tries to get in the way, and make me drift away from god. I have to admit there are times when he defeats me. I think bad thoughts about things, and I just doubt God. I know I shouldn't because GOD doesn't make mistakes but sometimes we have to be drifted away and go through a trial to find our way back to who really matters GOD. I have made my share of mistakes, and made my share of why's, what ifs. But in all reality, God knows best, and there is a reason for everything. I'm far from perfect but no one really is, we all sin in some type of way everyday.

 

 

 



There is no one righteous, not even one...For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of GOD.. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of GOD is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord
-Romans 3:10,23; 6:23

Well all are so damaged by sin, Satan has been selling us a lie from the beginning of our existence and we keep buying it and trying to be our own God. But truth is we need the Hope that only God can provide.

Faith

"My Faith In You"

Yeah this world will turn its back
When you find yours against that wall
Just watch it as it keeps on spinnin'
Just like there's nothin' wrong
That's why I'm thumbin' through these pages
They say the answers are in red
And I believe they're in here somewhere
I just haven't found 'em yet
It's the only hope that I got left

'Cause I could stand to lose my faith in
Friends that come and go
Yeah they'll be there when you need them
They say that when you don't
I could give up on my heroes
Could let myself down too
But what would I do
If I lost my faith in You
My faith in You

You know I've learned through all these stories
All about the pain You felt
And I know You did all that for me
And I'm still askin' You for help
'Cause Lord I just can't help myself

I could stand to lose my faith in
Friends that come and go
Yeah they'll be there when you need them
They say that when you don't
I could give up on my heroes
Could let myself down too
But what would I do
If I lost my faith in You
My faith in You

Cause I've been beaten, I've been broken
I've been dangerously bruised
And Lord I never would have made it
If I'd lost my faith in You
If I'd lost my faith in You

I'd never lose my faith in You, oh
My faith in You
I'll never lose my faith in You

 

That song by Brantley Gilbert, most can relate. We go through trials in our life and we think there is no way out. Truth is, sometimes god lets the storm rage and calms his child. No matter how bad your struggle is never lose your faith in the Lord. Sometimes he doesn't give us what we want, sometimes he gives you what you thought you never needed. I've been through many trials in my life, sometimes I thought there was no way out, but without the LORD I never would have made it through. Sometimes when we're at rock bottom we blame ourselves, we lose our faith, we ask for things, and we feel like he's not listening. But the truth is he never stops listening. He's always there. You should never lose faith because things aren't going your way. NEVER let Satan allow you to think there is no way out. Our God is the only one who can turn our mess into a message, and our trials into a lesson. but NEVER lose faith. No matter how hard life gets, give your burdens to the lord and he will bring peace into your life. If you have faith in the LORD, and you believe in him. ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

Stress makes you think everything

 

Are you a spark or are you a torch?

At church today the message was "Are you a spark, or are you a torch?"

It makes you think: Do you really love Christ or are you barely trying? Do you really want to be saved or are you coming to church just to be there?

Some of us accept Christ into our lives, and we let him work in our lives for a just a little while. That is when you're a spark. You let him into your heart and let him work in your life up until the devil tries to win, and you let him. You get so caught up in this world trying to make it that you forget who will help you through and will never lead you in the wrong direction. You let the devil take over and you let sin rule your life. You forget Gods word.

What we should be is a torch. God should be number one in your life, and you should allow him to into your heart and let him work in your life. Gods love for us is unconditional. . God will never leave you, he's always there. In your storms, when you think it won't get better, it will. Sometimes God lets the storm rage and he calms his child. Through our storms, we should also trust God. God knows best, and he never gives you more than you can handle. You should be so on fire for God that it brings the nonbelievers to accept him. You should be so on fire for God that even when the devil comes knocking at the door you don't let him in, because our God is way more powerful than the ol devil. God loves us even when we do sin, but you cannot let the devil pull you away from your love for God. After all he knows best, and without him you're lost.

Today I went to the alter and I accepted him into my life. I was a spark but now I will be working to be a torch. Too many times I have let the devil get the best of me and I have said things will never get better. But from this day forward, I plan to be on fire for God. I know the devil will come along trying to knock me to being a spark again, but I'm not going to let him. With god all things are possible and I know that even when I think god isn't working in my life he is. I plan to pray everyday and in my troubled times also pray. I know that God will never give me more than I can handle and he will never leave me. 

With this being said. I'm asking you now. Are you a spark or are you a torch?

Trying to become the woman God wants me to be

I've been thinking about my life here lately, and I'm not where I want to be as far as the woman I want to be. I want to be a woman of God, to Live for GOD and to do the right things in life. I know it will take some time and there will be some trails along the way. I'm going to trust God that he will guide me every step of the way into becoming the woman he wants me to be.

 I know I have to learn to submit myself to him and don't let the devil get in the way of my relationship with God. I know there will be times where I'll go through some storms and the devil will try to get the best of me, but I'm going to have to learn to trust God because he knows best.

I know my future is in Gods hands & he has plans for me. I just need to seek him everyday and let him show me the plans he has for me. I know their will be times when the plans I want for myself may not be what god wants for me. He will close doors just to open them to something better. I also know sometimes I will lose my patience but that is something I'm going to have to learn to have. I know sometimes god will make me wait for things I want in life but good things come to those who wait.

 

This is definitely how I want to be. I want to be a woman with a pure heart that is beautiful on the inside. When you have a good heart & you are beautiful on the inside, that's what god wants you to be. I'm going to try to seek god everyday & become the woman who is beautiful on the inside. After all what's on the inside matters more than what is on the inside. I'm going to have faith that God will show me the ways to becoming a better woman & also the woman that he wants me to be.

Faith, Hope and Love are the good things he gave us but the greatest is LOVE.

I'm big on worrying about things. I sometimes worry about things that I cannot change. I know I have a lot to work on with my worrying and my stress level. I need to learn to just talk to God everyday and place all my worries in his hands. After all he will never give me more than I can handle, and he will never lead me in the wrong direction. Sometimes god makes me you wait and takes you through a storm, but it's only to teach you something and you become that much stronger.

Well this is a new year, new me year for me. I went through a break up at the start of the year but its for the better. I told myself it was time to focus on myself & find who I really am. I see it as if I can't love myself & have confidence in myself then I can't love anyone else. I decided its time change the things I want to change about myself & get to where I want to be. So that I will be ready when the right one comes my way.  The single life is a little different for me because I'm not used to it but I'm going to wait on the one God has for me & learn to be patient. Good things come to those who wait, so I believe it will be worth it in the end.

 

 

In January, I decided I wanted to lose the weight I had been saying forever I wanted to lose. It was hard to motivate myself but I did it and I'm very proud to say this is what I did.

It was hard at first because I had to make the adjustments with my eating habits and what I ate. but once I got the hang of it, I motivated myself everyday. I weighed myself  3 times a day which motivated me to lose each pound. I'm almost at my goal weight and I plan to continue to eat healthy. Losing this weight, I gained confidence. I can finally look in the mirror and be happy with my appearance.  & I feel good about myself because now I'm getting healthy not only for myself but for Haleigh as well.

 

That quote motivates me to keep on pushing forward to meet every goal I want to reach. & I know with God on my side anything is possible. & I'm striving to get closer to him because if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be who I am today or where I am today. & I'll leave you with this scripture.

 

Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. you need to preserve so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. - Hebrews 10:35-36

 

me lately

Well the start of the year we found out my mama has stage 4 neuroindocrine cancer. It hit me like a ton of bricks..all i could do was cry..as i have already saw  what cancer does with my mamas daddy (Papa). I thank god that it was caught just in time and she got surgery. & i thank god i still have my mama. this is just a pure example that life is too short and things change in the blink of an eye. It opened my eyes..made me see that you cant take things for grantite

I'm also having my own battle...i'm having trouble with my weight due to horrible eating habits. i tell myself I've got to stop, i just cant get myself motivated. i pray i can find the strength and mind set to change. i want to be healthy for not only myself but Haleigh too. ive also have anger spurts and i feel really down because its with the ones i love. i find myself constantly arguing with Bryan. I hate it! it makes me feel so bad and makes me look like i dont appreciate him. im also slacking as a mom :( i pray God will help guide me to become a better mom. I'm not as close to God anymore but i'm tryng to work on that.

2014 goals;

1. get healthy

2: learn to accept who i am

3: control my anger

4: become a better mom

5: get closer to god

& last but not least..count my blessings not my burdens!